Chapter 3: Ministering on the Front Line... and the Home Front
“The second commandment is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
No other commandment is greater than these.”
Mark 12:31 (NLT)
Here we go again!
For the third time in less than 5 years, the service member received orders to deploy to Afghanistan. He knew serving in the cause of freedom on behalf of America was important, but this seemed to fit in the category of "above and beyond the call of duty." He was still dealing with the emotional aftershocks of the combat trauma he had experienced on his two former tours. His wife and children were having a very difficult time accepting this new assignment -- they had experienced enough loneliness, fear, anxiety, frustration and worry already!
Where could the service member turn for help? Sure, he and his wife had each other . . . somehow they would make it through this time of separation, like they had the two previous times. But it would be excruciatingly difficult, and they knew it. And how would the kids handle it? Two preschoolers and a teenager would all have their unique problems during the 6 months dad was away, and he wasn't sure where his wife could get help for them.
He thought of the church in the neighborhood. He wondered if the people and the pastor there would care for his wife and children in his absence, if they knew about his being away. He wondered if anyone would try to help them, or would even care. He wondered where he and his wife could turn for comfort, encouragement, and resources to help them survive what would probably be the hardest time they had ever experienced in their lives.
If you knew of the needs of this service member and his family, would you want to minister to them? In fact, there are many military members across our nation in similar situations. You and your church can help, if you want to. This chapter will suggest many ideas and resources. Read carefully, pray fervently, and minister compassionately -- for heaven's sake . . . and theirs!
What can the military member and family do to cope with deployment and separation?
1) Stay in touch
Videoconferencing (limited availability on military installations)
Videotapes and cassette tapes, CD/DVD
Old-fashioned (hand-written) letters
Phone calls (at prearranged, regularly-scheduled times)
Set a clock in your home set to the deployed member’s time zone
2) Pray
Simultaneous prayer every day for one another
Serious prayer to avoid temptation and deal with the devil (1 Peter 5:8-9; James 4:7-8)
Reliance on the Holy Spirit (John 14:16-17)
Peace through prayer (John 14:27; Philippians 4:6-7)
Perseverance . . .
3) Read and meditate on Scripture . . .
To cancel impure and inferior thoughts (Romans 12:21)
To live a pure life (Psalm 119:11)
To enrich your mind by excellent thoughts (Philippians 4:8,9)
To inspire your lifeb by noble examples (Numbers 13:30; 14:24)
To counteract fear by faith (Joshua 1:8,9; Hebrews 13:6)
To counteract loneliness by God’s Presence (Hebrews 13:5)
To receive help from the LORD (Psalm 121)
To be inspired by God’s promises (Genesis 22:14)
To learn contentment (Hebrews 13:5)
To resist temptation (James 4:7-8; 1 Peter 5:8-9)
To feel connected with your spouse by simultaneous daily reading of same passage
See the 181-Day Bible Reading Challenge [Supporting Documents]
4) Prepare for separation . . .
Read and discuss “In Him We Move” article by Beverly Almond [Supporting Documents]
Read about deployed location (if not secret/classified)
Discuss with family projected separation time, likely responsibilities of military member
View videos produced by Sesame Street - dealing with emotions of the deployment cycle
http://www.sesameworkshop.org/initiatives/emotion/tlc
Think about how to deal with problems in the absence of the military member
Talk to others who have experienced separation about resources they used to to survive
Anticipate Temptations
Don't underestimate potential for weakened marriage
Be realistic about possible relationship problems
Admit that loneliness can weaken resolve
Know that rationalizing a “supportive” relationship can lead to moral disaster
Understand that leaning on an understanding friend / coworker can be flirting with danger
Avoid movies, videos, magazines, and internet pornography that intensify sexual drive
and could lead to immoral relationships!
Realize the serious consequences of pornography --
relational problems, extramarital affairs, destruction of marriages
misuse of classified equipment, compromise of computer security
Prepare a Help list -- Important information to keep handy:
Phone numbers, address (mail / E-mail) of unit
Emergency contact list
Doctor, police, fire, repairmen, ambulance, hospital
Important security documents in lock box
Will
Insurance companies (addresses, phone numbers)
Power of Attorney
Bank / credit union / mutual funds
Passports
5) Think through money matters
Accomplish power of attorney well ahead of time
Ensure information is up-to-date
Keep it general in nature
Monitor checkbook
Review deposits, bills, allotments with military member
Ensure accuracy and reasonableness of expenditures
Avoid excessive impulse buying (emotional diversionary tactic)
6) Prepare for reunion
Hold regular family discussions and prayer
Increase frequency of e-mails and phone calls
Read Department of Defense “Coming Home” pamphlets
A Guide for Service Members [Supporting Documents]
A Guide for Spouses of Service Members [Supporting Documents]
A Guide for Parents, Extended Family Members or Friends [Supporting Documents]
What can the church do to minister to the military family?
1) Become familiar with the language and vocabulary of the military
If the words and terminology used by those serving in the military sounds like a foreign language
to you, Military Missions Network website has a glossary of terms that will familiarize you
with military-speak.
If Department of Defense terms puzzle you, you can find a helpful glossary at
http://siadapp.dmdc.osd.mil/personnel/MMIDHOME.HTM
2) Relate to the military family in worship . . . reach out to them in service
Share war stories from the combat zone
Review answered prayers
Celebrate how God is at work in lives of members deployed
Regularly honor those who serve in the military
Share war stories from the home front of families left behind fighting their own battles
Preach relevant sermons that address contemporary issues
Provide time for silent meditation and reflection
Quickly accept military family into the congregation and faith community . . . friendliness attracts!
Be neighborly -- help others get settled – finding a house, car, school
Encourage church members to reach out to their military neighbors
Find practical /non-threatening ways to connect with them to show them the love of Jesus
Reach out with compassion and celebrate God at work
Take advantage of opportunities to impact community, show love by action, not just words
Involve military familes in existing ministry without have to prove themselves
Break down walls between stationary & highly mobile family members and friends
Create turbo-charged relationship-building environment
Plug in / assimilate quickly!
Be a multi-generational church – address all ages
Encourage seniors to serve as role models – Adopt a grandchild!
Share the secret of facing every situation (Philippians 4:13) with those in rapid, frequent change
3) Develop strategy/cadre of people committed to minister to military members and their families
Support Groups
Prayer Partners
4) Provide free child care – a good outreach!
A major concern of military families
Hardship, especially for families where both husband and wife are in the military
Mother’s (or Father’s) day out; Big Brother / Big Sister; Adopt-a-grandchild
Surrogate parents – members volunteer to help out in a father’s/mother’s absence
Activities can be done while doing them w/ your family [camping, fishing, track meet, school play]
Parent left at home alone have a difficult time trying to be everywhere at once
Many family activities get cut out
Help out with transportation for after school activities
Watch kids so mom / day can go to the store
These activities don’t take much time / money, but profoundly minister to a “single” parent
5) Connect with military people in your community!
Build relationships – bridge gaps, step out in faith
Care one on one, family to family – go out of your way to show you care
Welcome newcomers to church events
Develop Bible study groups taught by military (active, retired, spouse of deployed)
Discover, in the process of helping, what their real needs are
Go above and beyond to reach out
Assist in crises – be available during illness, child birth, death, loneliness, financial difficulty, etc.
LONELINESS and DEPRESSION – top feelings family members experience during deployments
Add WAR to the equation and imagine what is going through a spouse or child’s mind!
With no one to turn to, they go it alone! THE CHURCH should be there for them!
6) Design and implement a "Watch Care" Program for military families
7) Provide meeting space for monthly family support groups
8) Offer a meal for spouses and dependents of deployed military members
9) Send "care" packages to military members via unit liaison
Ask unit liaison what they need
Note: you can no longer send to “Any Service Member”
You can send direct to the service member or unit's chaplain
10) Make computers available for e-mail
Donate computers to families
Help them set up a free e-mail account
Make a POP3 e-mail address available from church website or internet service,
for families to be able to have e-mail who don’t have an internet account
Set up a pass-worded, secure section of the church web page where military families can post
pictures of family activities, kids, etc. so the deployed service member can access it via web
Because deployed service member has limited time to access email, this will allow them to view
(and print) photographs without eating up their access time or clogging up e-mail access on the
other end
Be aware of security issues when communicating information about deployed members
Churches should be very careful about publishing information about deployment locations and
dates so that this seemingly harmless information doesn’t fall into the wrong hands
Remember the old adage, “Loose lips sink ships!” They did. The still do.
For more help, read an excellent article on operational security
11) Provide pastoral counseling for spouse and dependents
Include coordination with military chaplain of deployed military member
12) Begin a small group to encourage dependents via Bible studies, prayer, meals
13) Initiate a proactive Singles Ministry
Remember that many in the military are single
Adopt a single service member and write them regularly
Go the extra mile – communicate with parents and siblings!
14) Partner to regularly check up on dependents’ welfare
15) Offer premarital guidance, marital counseling and enrichment retreats
Ask military chaplains to help!
HomeBuilders – numerous workbook-based Bible studies for strengthening marriage
PREPARE/ENRICH material is used regularly in military chapels in marriage counseling
16) Partner to regularly check up on military member
(John 13:34; Philippians 1:2-6 – “partnership in the gospel”)
Singles often leave behind pets, cars, apartments, houses
Volunteer to watch pet, start up a car, swing by an apartment to make sure everything’s okay
Write cards and letters
Send e-mail messages
Communicate – stay in touch!
Make regular phone calls and visits
Invite to lunch or dinner after church
Adopt a military family – stay in touch with those at home, write / e-mail service member away
Adopt-a-Soldier
Comfort service member on battle front by taking care of family back home
LONELINESS – significant feeling while deployed
Married service members, especially women, feel guilty for leaving spouse / children at home
Mail cassette or video tapes
Send worship bulletins and Christian literature
Refer a single/family to another church
Great help in a PCS (Permanent Change of Station) situation
Endorsement of church to transferring single/family
Military Missions Network is developing a worldwide database of military-friendly churches
Once this database is complied, transferring families can search their on-line database to locate
a church in the city where they are moving
17) Offer parenting skills seminar or classes
Use “Five Steps to Biblical Parenting” or similar materials from publishers like Serendipity
House or LifeWay
Ideally, should be taught before deployment!
18) Offer financial management seminar or classes
Crown Financial Ministries has excellent materials for this. You can call them at (770) 534-1000
Economic assistance is a great way to help
Sunday School classes should determine if members are hurting financially, then help them
Utilize existing financial assistance resources within the military community
(Army, Air Force, Navy, Marine Corps Aid Societies, etc.)
Preparing Couples for Marriage includes material on budgeting
19) Offer stress management seminar or classes
20) Offer basic computer skills seminar or classes
Word-processing
Using the world wide web -- e-mail, attaching digital images
21) Practice open-hearted hospitality
Churches can put out the word they're seeking information / contact families of people deployed
Meet for church-sponsored potluck dinner that could lead to the formation of support groups
that could be led by chaplains (Hebrews 13:2)
22) Provide practical support for spouse and dependents left behind
Handyman skills
Electrical
Plumbing
Auto repairs
Carpentering
Yard work
Changing oil in car
Cutting the grass
When the family handyman is deployed, these services either go unattended, or someone is hired
at great expense
Military wives stories - things breaking week hubby deployed
In some cases, the church can create outreaches centered around such activities
Could offer one Saturday/month for families to bring their car in for routine maintenance/oil change
They pay for parts/oil; church provide service/labor free
If work beyond scope of ability, recommend mechanic
23) Introduce service member and family to Christ
The most important thing we can ever do
Help them grow in relationship to Christ within body of Christ
If have first dealt with their physical and emotional needs, should be natural and easy to do this
24) Pray -- regularly, intentionally – for those deployed and those at home
Have public prayer services – for corporate prayer
Extend invitation to the community to join the church in prayer
Solicit names from community via advertising in paper, radio
Military spouses very protective of service member’s location, so for their safety and that of
their children, don’t want the whole world to know they are home alone
Ask people to send church the names of loved ones / unit where assigned –
simply promise to pray for them
Communicate that not distributing / posting names
Send service member card letting them know praying for them
Have a Candle of Remembrance and Hope as a part of your worship service
Place white candle on stand near pulpit -- light each Sunday while church members deployed
Place small flags from each branch of the Armed Forces in wreath around base of the candle
Operation Toy Soldier
Purchase inexpensive packages of children’s toy soldiers, and attach a prayer card to each
The card can contain a general prayer for deployed military personnel, or the names of specific
deployed service members
Encourage folks to use the toy soldiers as a reminder to pray every time they see the toy soldier
Utilize the Army Cycle of Prayer
Sign up to pray for our troops (and our President, too!) through the Presidential Prayer Team
25) Teach on issues / topics of concern to military families
Support groups could discuss these issues
26) Study and emulate excellent models of church ministry to the military
One example is the Talbot Park Baptist Church; of Norfolk, Virginia
27) Work with Parachurch ministries in reaching out to the military
Cadence International
Christian Military Fellowship
Military Fellowship (Navigators)
Military Ministry (Campus Crusade for Christ)
Field Survival Kit -- free, helpful resources to inspire and encourage the believing military member
Campus Crusade for Christ International 1-800-444-6006
Newport News, Virginia
Check out Campus Crusade for Christ's distribution of Rapid Deployment Kits!
[Bibles, devotional literature, spiritual survival materials]
Military Missions Network
Officers Christian Fellowship
Focus on the Family
28) Help the military member and family in the reunion process
Give them space
Keep the kids and let the parents get reacquainted
Don’t pressure the returning service person to “tell his/her story”
