Chapter 1: Understanding the Military Culture of Today
“He is a true brother, a faithful worker, and a courageous soldier.”
Philippians 2:25 (NLT)
In the dark
"People in the military are no different than anybody else! They have the same needs as everybody in our congregation!" The pastor's comments caught the military chaplain off guard. The chaplain had been trying to get the pastor to understand the unique needs of service members and their families, hoping he would be enthused about the windows of opportunity to reach out with compassion to those who serve in our nation's armed forces. But blinded by ignorance, the pastor did not see the great needs of this "people group" living near the church he pastored.
Do you desire to minister to the military in your midst? If so, there are practical and proven tools available to help you reach out to them. This manual is designed to point you to many of these resources. And this chapter in particular focuses on helping you understand the emotional roller-coaster service members and their families ride in the military lifestyle, and especially when the service member is required to be separated from his or her family for an extended time. Read this material carefullly, and in the process you will gain a new understanding of the unique needs of those who serve our nation. Then you will be able to serve them better!
Americans in uniform
- For up-to-date details of number of military personnel and casualty statistics on all services, check out http://siadapp.dmdc.osd.mil/personnel/MMIDHOME.HTM
- 1.4 million Active duty
- 860,000 Reserve and National Guard
40% Army
24% Marines
19% Air Force
15% Navy
2% Coast Guard
- 52% are married
- 40% are under age 30
- 7% single parent families (many male single parents)
- 30% represent an ethnic minority
- 16% are female
- Over 4,000 Americans have been Killed In Action
- Over 23,000 have returned from Combat Zone with permanent disabilities
- 25% of returning service members struggle with psychological injuries
- 250,000 are preparing to deploy or are deployed
Scope of need reflected in deployment
- More than 1.5 million Americans have been deployed
- 250,000 are preparing to deploy or are currently deployed
- 500,000 have been deployed for at least 2 tours in Combat Zone
- 70,000 have been deployed at least 5 times
- 700,000 children in America have one parent deployed
Life Situation
- Most are better educated than 20 years ago
- Some do not have understanding/experience of stability/predictability
- Some discover comfort of military order, reenlist and do career
- Many enter military to escape abusive situations
- Abused often become abusers
- High incidence of spousal/child abuse among those who have been abused
- Many future / goal-oriented
- Many trained in transferable skills such as security and finance
- Career-minded enlisted recruited to earn college tuition
- Some officers serve short-term to earn college degrees, then separate
Spirituality
o Interested in religion, but not denominations
o Very interested in spiritual things
o Exercise much freedom of religious expression
o More interested in relationships than organizational identity
Riding the deployment roller-coaster
Stage 1 -- Pre-Deployment – Anticipation of Departure
Starts when military member receives a warning order
Ends when military member departs from home station
Time frame is variable and can range from several hours to more than a year
Relative tranquility/state of equilibrium gives way to frustration and fear of loss
Pre-Deployment Emotional Reactions
MILITARY MEMBER
Bonding to unit
Energized by mission
Emotionally distant
Feeling overwhelmed
FAMILY
Conflicting feelings
Denial, shock, anger
Emotional distance/detachment begins
Feelings of abandonment
Pre-Deployment Behavioral Responses
MILITARY MEMBER
Trains/works long hours
Gets affairs in order
Conflicts
Intimacy concerns
Increased potential for accidents
FAMILY
Realigning responsibilities
“Honey-Do List”
Conflicts
Intimacy concerns
Stage 2 – Deployment – Detachment and Withdrawal
Starts with military member’s departure from home through first month of separation
Can lead to despair, loneliness, sleeplessness, irritability, and confusion
Deployment Emotional Responses
MILITARY MEMBER
Lack of control over family events
Distracted by the mission
Fear of the unknown
Jealousy
Homesickness
FAMILY
Reduced sense of safety
Overwhelmed, disoriented
Jealousy
Numb, sad and lonely
Deployment Behavioral Reactions
MILITARY MEMBER
Changes in Appetite
Sleep Pattern Changes
Long Phone Calls Home
Irritability
Alcohol or Tobacco Use
FAMILY
Changes in Appetite
Sleep Pattern Changes
Crying Spells
Irritability
Alcohol or Tobacco Use
Children Acting Out
Stage 3 – Sustainment – Emotional Disorganization
Lasts from the end of the first month to the month prior to re-deployment
A time of strengthening new sources of support and establishing new routines
Transition from being overwhelmed to self-assurance, adjusting to being alone
Sustainment Phase Emotional Responses
MILITARY MEMBER
Increased confidence
Feeling forgotten
Anger and resentment
Vulnerable to rumors and misperceptions
FAMILY
Increased confidence and feelings of being in control, “I can do this!”
Rumor control
Frustration and feeling “trapped”
How to help children through this difficult phase
Response is related to age
Sudden changes in a child’s behavior or mood are common
Infants -- Less Than 1 Year:
May refuse to eat
May appear listless
Remedy: support from parent, family members, childcare and healthcare providers
Toddlers -- 1-3 Years:
May have crying spells, tantrums
May appear irritable or sad
Remedy: Increased attention, more hugs, more holding
Preschool -- 3-6 Years:
May have potty accidents
May be clingy
May appear irritable or sad
Remedy: Increased attention, more hugs, more holding
School Age -- 6-12 Years:
May whine more and complain of body aches
Changes in school performance, particularly at the 3-month point in the deployment
May appear irritable or sad
Acting out/angry
Remedy: Spend some quality time, maintain routines, and get them involved in more activities
Teenagers -- 12-18 Years:
May isolate
Changes in school performance
May use alcohol, drugs, or other rebellious activities
High risk behavior
Remedy: Patience, set limits, counseling
Stage 4. Re-Deployment – Recovery and Stabilization
The month before the service member is scheduled to return home
Anticipation of reunion may cause excitement, hope or joy
Re-Deployment Emotional Reactions
MILITARY MEMBER
Anticipation
Apprehension
Homecoming fantasies
FAMILY
Anticipation
Apprehension
Homecoming fantasies
Re-Deployment Behavioral Reactions
MILITARY MEMBER
Ready to complete the mission
Renewed difficulty making decisions
Expectations may be high
Safety accidents
FAMILY
Burst of energy
Completion of “to-do” lists
Renewed difficulty making decisions
Expectations may be high
Stage 5. Post-Deployment – Anticipation of Return
Typically this stage lasts from three to six months
Starts with the “homecoming” of the deployed service member
What strategies can families use to survive deployment?
Stage 1-Pre-Deployment
Communicate, communicate, communicate
Discuss in detail your expectations of each other during this phase
Realize that emotional and behavioral reactions are normal
Work together as a “team”
Stage 2: Deployment
Find new ways to communicate (e-mail, phone calls, letter writing)
Make contact on special days (birthdays, anniversaries, holidays)
Reach out to extended family
Use local support systems/start your own
Stage 3: Sustainment
Avoid discussing “hot topics” and making life-altering decisions if possible
Take advantage of e-mail and letter writing
Engage in healthy lifestyle choices
Avoid overspending
Take time for yourself
Talk with Family Readiness Group
Stage 4: Re-Deployment
Communicate, communicate, communicate
Keep your focus
Maintain established routines
Keep expectations realistic
Keep taking care of yourself
Attend homecoming briefings
When Johnny or Jane comes marching home, how can families cope with the turmoil of reunion?
Communicate, communicate, communicate
Keep your focus
Maintain established routines
Keep expectations realistic
Keep taking care of yourself
Attend homecoming briefings
How can military members and their families cope with the high stress of
today’s military environment?
Practice positive self-care
Avoid abusive substances
Be flexible
Maintain realistic goals and expectations
Use praise and TLC
Keep a sense of humor
Avoid sulking
Stay spiritually connected
Ask for help
Communicate
Communicate
Communicate
